It was my life and it was fun
Another season of my life is done
Another race i'm glad I got to run
Another chapter in my life its over
No i'm never gonna feel like that again
Times rushin by me like the wind
Never be as young as I was then
No i'm never gonna feel like that again
-Never gonna feel that way again

Kristen asked me to go watch her sister play some softball games this weekend in Milton. We then get on the subject of missing it, and how playing softball can really become your life. So I get a lil teary eyed, and she told me to read the lyrics of one of Kenny Chesney's songs. So there they are above. Describes my feelings exactly.

I've dedicated every summer to softball since I was about 12. I had played before, but I never quite set aside my other life until then. It was when I was 12 that summer vacations became a thing of the past, our vacations were spent in hotels with 13 other girls. When we weren't on the field practicing, we were out on the town raising money. In the last couple years, when I got too old for All-Stars, and only focused on ASA, I didn't have to spend as much time on softball. Yes, absolutely every weekend but one was spent at a tournament, but I wasn't always tagging for money or practice twice every day. But now that I have nothing, I feel empty. All those years I dedicated my heart and sole to the game. Why? Maybe because I was good at it. Maybe because it helped me develop strong and life long friendships. Maybe because it helped bring my family togehter (Chris would keep score and help work on the fields, Dad would be in the dugout to make sure I drank plenty of fluids, and to pour ice cold water on the back of my neck, Mom would help out as team mom and would be there to load us up on food between games). Whatever the reason, I truly loved the game.

Its been almost a year since I've heard the crack of the bat as the ball goes sailing through the air. Its been almost a year since I've smelled the sweet perfume of a sweaty glove. Its been almost a year since I nursed a bloody strawberry, a glorious battlewound.

Do I miss it? -Yes, of course-
Do I regret anything? -No-

But perhaps I could have enjoyed every second a little more. Perhaps I could have savored every pitch and every out. Perhaps I could have appreciated the stained floormats from muddy cleats. Perhaps I could have overlooked the piles of sand that accumulated on my floor as I slipped my cleats off. That was all part of it, all part of what I loved so much.

The bruises. The strawberries. The God-awful tan lines.

The hurrying home from a playoff game to get ready for prom (can you believe I made it an hour?)

Secretly crying because I would have to miss baccalauraette...I never worked hard to graduate. I worked very hard to get to the state tournament.

Everyone has a time to turn in their glove. Mine came and went. No regrets. Only true love.

I will have to take you back to Homecoming 2001. This is the night that Jared Rosselot and I first became something. Friends? More? Who knows. But complication arose and we remained friends. Good friends. I never felt uncomfortable around him. I was always fine being myself with him. We joked, teased but talked to each other too. Well on Reading Day (Spring), out of a drunken moment, confessed our feelings for each other. So here we are. I finally see how things are, and I'm transferring. So any hope for that, yes over. So it was a good talk on the side of the SAE house for like an hour. I cried, he held me to stop me from crying. Was I crying b/c we waited too long to tell each other, or was I crying simply because I would miss him as my friend when I went to Marshall? I still dont know to this day. But I knew then that Jared was definitely a good friend that I would extremely miss. Yesterday I went bathing suit shopping. While in the dressing room, I get a call. Its Jared, a month later. We talked for a few minutes. He said he called just to talk. I said I would call him back later at a better time. But what do I say to him? Everything changed between us that night. Things aren't the same. Ughh..

Its Wednesday morning, I'm almost there, yes almost to the weekend. I don't really have much to write about, all my days keep flowing into each other, without much differentiation. However, today, instead of working from 8:00-8:30, I get to work from 8:30-4:30. What a treat. What to do what to do with all that spare time I will have today. Perhaps I could do a bit of shopping, with the money I DON'T have. Perhaps I could nap, I do miss my afternoon naps after a late night or early morning class.

I would like to note (perhaps as a reminder, haha) that my birthday is coming up in 10 days. What a bore. Birthday's aren't as exciting as they used to be.

Next week I will only have to work 4 days, due to "transfer student orientation." What a waste of a day, but I will get to register.

Will write more later, as fitting.